Dear ED,

I can't be with you anymore. It's been years and at first I was so glad that I found you. You were my savior, my escape. When I was with you I didn't have to think about how lonely I was, how much I felt like an outsider. You told me that you could make me happy, that you could teach me how to be lovable, and it worked for a while. Finally I was getting the attention that I desired from all of those people who I thought truly mattered.

*Eating Disorder (ED) voices can take many forms for different people and may change as the disorder progresses. For some, ED may take the shape of the caretaker who has to put everyone else's needs first, the perfectionist who strives to achieve an unattainable goal or the one who habitually plays the victim.  This particular piece is about ED as the drill sergeant.

The Drill Sergeant

I used to believe that the only way I could get things done was through bullying myself into doing them. After all, I was a lazy person. I didn't want to clean my room or do the dishes, I would much rather lie on the couch and watch some TV. In college I became a master procrastinator. Don't get me wrong my grades were good, very good, ED would not allow anything but perfection. But I would bully myself into doing what needed to be done.